- August 6, 2019 at 11:14 pm #149029
I lied to myself when I began dating. When I started my blog, I was looking for something casual, mainly because I wanted to dip my feet into the dating pool to see what was there. I hadn’t dated for a long time, and I wanted to put into practice what I believed dating to be. I also felt I wasn’t ready for a long term, committed relationship with a woman. By this time I figured a post like this would include my stories of a series of short-term relationships, where I would have learned the most about myself opposed to when I was single.
I was wrong.
In entering a relationship, I knew it was about dates, and keeping it fresh, but I also thought a relationship was a simple task of maintenance. Show up when you’re expected, enjoy a movie or two, have sex, and when things lull, move on. To be honest, my interpretation of a relationship had been forged by two important factors, first what I thought a relationship ought to be and second, what we men are told a relationship ought to be. We men are fed relationships are a matter of finding someone attractive, seeing if you two match well, and then handling your business in the bedroom. If we don’t run away too soon from a relationship, we become whipped and chained down, and thus the relationship goes from great sex to living hell. In reality, a relationship is a lot more than a step towards the ball and chain, it’s not a death sentence, and it’s not a walk to the gallows. We men don’t die in a relationship, if anything we become whole.
A relationship isn’t a friend with benefits, or an extended period of casual sex with a person. A relationship is deeper than that. While sex is important, it’s far from the core. It’s taking an interest in the things your partner does, even if you’re not that interested. An example, florence chat is a performer, and while I enjoy going to a performance or two, it’s not something that is the highlight of my Saturday evening. I would often place going to a bar or club higher on my list than most performance art. This doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate performance art, but that’s such a Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, or weekday event. When Rule Breaker has performance, I eagerly and happily attend (to be honest, the performances are very well done, awe-inspiring and beautiful.) I’m eager to enjoy and support her interests, even if they don’t completely align with mine. The image of being bored at the ballet doesn’t apply here, I truly enjoy my time attending.
I’ve written about Rule Breaker understanding my style. The fact that she gets me, gets the things I enjoy, and willing to participate in these events makes me very happy! A few weeks ago, we went to see the movie Kick Ass, a movie I really wanted to see. While it’s not her style, she was more than willing to venture out with me. We even had a conversation about the themes, characters, and plot of the film. She was engaged, receptive, and willing to enjoy something that I wanted to enjoy. Much like her performances, she was willing and eager to support my interests.
I’ve learned, in the short five months of our relationship, that having a girlfriend isn’t having some sort of trophy to show off. It’s having a companion, someone to enjoy your time with, regardless of what that is. My best friend this week reminded me of an important fact about myself and relationships, I’ve been single so long, I don’t really know what a relationship is like. Most importantly, instead of being stuck in my single ways, I need to learn to open up and relinquish myself to some of the anxieties I have. I need to break out of the mold we men are often told, that we will be chained down for the rest of our lives.
Sex gets old, beds get cold. Hell, there’s periods in a relationship where you may not see your partner for a few days (or a week even!) It’s easy to replace someone sexually and physically, but not emotionally. Relationships are more about the deep emotional connections that are made with your partner, the rest is gravy. It shouldn’t be something you feel chained down by, but rather, something that lifts you upwards. I don’t think I would be happy with anything else.
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